How important is family?

[DarthChake]

Would you visit your family despite not liking them?
Imagine you do not like to be around your parents. This is not because they were abusive or neglectful, but because they are close-minded, and the kind of people who talk bad of everyone not in the room. This seems minor but an entire youth of this might make someone sick of the behavior. Visits would include all holidays, and birthdays. *Funerals are not optional*

Would you suck it up and put up with them, or is it too much of a bother.
Do you feel you have an obligation to your family because they raised, and payed for you?
Is it unreasonable to dislike your family for reasons that seem petty.

 

[Navy]

I'm not sure if this is going off-topic.

But i have no Family besides my, Mother and my 2 brothers. My Family died out from my Mother's side. A lot of them went separate ways, ended up in the drug life, and i never met my father.

I have a sister that didn't grow up with me, she lived most of her life with her father.

The only Family i'm having a hard time to consider my Family, is from my Brother's side. Both my brothers are from the same father, and they are like the only ones with an actual big family...But yeah, story of my life...

 

[Magic Toaster]

Would you visit your family despite not liking them?

Everything's better in moderation. So for vacation and stuff.

Imagine you do not like to be around your parents. This is not because they were abusive or neglectful, but because they are close-minded, and the kind of people who talk bad of everyone not in the room. This seems minor but an entire youth of this might make someone sick of the behavior. Visits would include all holidays, and birthdays. *Funerals are not optional*

Would you suck it up and put up with them, or is it too much of a bother.

Open their minds.

Is it unreasonable to dislike your family for reasons that seem petty?

The reasons you just listed aren't exactly petty.

 

[DarthChake]

Open their minds.

They become angry when you try to have a logical argument. They yell until you cease talking. Giving up seemed reasonable after about a year of arguments like that. They are simply unreasonable with things they don't agree with.

 

[Mikazukinoyaiba]

Become 18 and independent, move out and only visit them for events and avoid any topics of contention.

 

[DarthChake]

I need them to pay for college. I go for free as long as I keep the connection. I feel that by the time I am married I'll break the connection off. I'm using them but they are helping of their own free will.

 

[Mikazukinoyaiba]

I need them to pay for college. I go for free as long as I keep the connection. I feel that by the time I am married I'll break the connection off. I'm using them but they are helping of their own free will.

Oh well

Endure for a couple more years, if you're going to college you can participate in groups and clubs with friends and hardly be at home.

 

[Chou Toshio]

Isn't this more about yourself and your own family than about the subject of family in general? The OP looks to more looking for family consultation than opening discussion for the importance of family.

The consultation: It's your life, you have to live it the best you can for yourself. If that includes putting up with a family you don't like because you need them to support you, then it's not like you have a choice is it? You live by a man's rules while you live under his roof so to say.

The values: Personally I believe family to be extremely important, and essentially at the heart of our lives. *warning* the following is going to be extremely Asian of me, and heavily influenced by Confucian views. You have been warned.

While it is a bit different when you are the child, and the family is rearing you to make yourself a stronger person and find yourself, you eventually grow out of those completely self-centric years. It is important to understand that both the past and the future connect to the family, to your parents family and to the family that one day you yourself will make. No matter what kind of man he is, it is the duty of a son to feel appreciation for his father and ancestors who have bestowed upon him, at the very least, life in this world if not also the guidance and support that a proper father should give (American insert: of course this statement is meant to apply to your mother and female ancestors as well, duh). When one has his own children, he will discover for the first time, someone who actually matters more to himself than himself, and thus the duty to family is restrung.

 

[mtr]

@Mika: Lol, not that simple.

If your parents are paying for college, while this means no loans and cool stuff, it also means that they want you to pay for their retirement (where's the money coming from?). And more importantly, by giving you money, they get a say in what you do at college, what major you select, what classes you take, if you join a fraternity, etc. Kind of like how major shareholders in a company can reign in the CEO.

As for the OP, just ignore them. I plan to leave off contact with my parents for a long time after college, but that has to do with a history of verbal and emotional abuse.

 

[Thund91]

I'm with you OP. I have to put up with seeing family a shitload just because I'm 19 and still live with my parents and rely on them for everything....

I'm actually looking to transfer to a college out of LA, just to avoid them as much as I can. The problem is paying for it. There's just this huge important on family in our society and to me it's kinda shitty. Besides my bro I don't really consider my "family" family. I consider my parents more as people I just freeload off of. To me my friends are my family.

 

[Chou Toshio]

Obviously there are some very bad families (parents?) in the world that cause opinions like some of those posted in this thread. You have my condolences. I do admit my own opinions come up from being raised by a family that couldn't possibly have been better to me. It is a blessing.

Hopefully, for those posters who haven't had the same though, can take it upon themselves to do much better than their own parents when the shoe is on the other foot so to speak. Family should be something of importance, and if your original family didn't do things properly, it's still up to you to make a better one in the future.

 

[Morm]

Family is the first thing I would purge. Honestly, my family is so fucking terrible. If my entire world view was shaped by this group of idiots, I would be far worse off than I am right now (and that says a lot).

I guess, if anything, they have taught me that if I had a vagina I would be entitled to use men to buy me things I definitely don't deserve so that I can repay them by either being a compulsive liar or, as a spouse, sleeping on the couch for 10 years so I can watch Law and Order all night in an exceptionally invasive way to any other people in the house (who go to this area to avoid waking others up). Since I don't have a vagina, I guess all I get is the pleasure of being used and mistreated by those that do?

See what I mean? Pseudo-sexist viewpoints based solely on observation of every day life of the two immediate women in my life.

Apparently, the women on my moms side (incl sister) are bat shit crazy.

 

[Alan]

Would you visit your family despite not liking them?
Imagine you do not like to be around your parents. This is not because they were abusive or neglectful, but because they are close-minded, and the kind of people who talk bad of everyone not in the room. This seems minor but an entire youth of this might make someone sick of the behavior. Visits would include all holidays, and birthdays. *Funerals are not optional*

Would you suck it up and put up with them, or is it too much of a bother.
Do you feel you have an obligation to your family because they raised, and payed for you?
Is it unreasonable to dislike your family for reasons that seem petty.

I'm probably not the best person to respond to this because I don't really dislike anybody. I try to get along with everybody or ignore those with which I don't. I would consider family pretty important though in the grand scheme of things. I mean, you're young. I'm young. Right now we are young, stupid and hate anything that resembles any sort of authority. Our parents are representative of this, especially while we live with them (once you move out you will notice differently). Friends come and go, but family is always there, unless they are all dead, in which case you're pretty much up shit creek without a paddle.

Then again, it also depends on the severity of the situation. If you know bringing up topic x bothers them, then the logical solution would be to avoid said topic. For instance, if your family is devoutly Catholic, avoid discussing abortion. There is no reason to try to change people, they don't, in the long run. So just let them be. You do you, they'll do them and thats that. If you're parents chastise you for your beliefs, I would suggest "changing" but only as a facade. Lets face it, if you plan on attaining any sort of a degree, you are going to need your parents so you might as well not bite the hand that feeds.

I probably could have written more, but I'm really tired and trying to finish up all this stuff I need to do so I can go to sleep.

Edit: just wanted to add, that its going to be hard to find an answer you're looking for as different people hold different values.

 

[Eraddd]

Quite honestly, this thread makes me thankful for the family I've had. I've had my share of downs including my bro going through his "troubled" teenage years, and my mom and dad kind of breaking down mentally and physically, but the shit people go through, I just can't imagine how hard it would be. Maybe it's cause I take my family for so granted, or the fact that I kind of hate it how we're strange (because we're a missionary family, and my dad heads a small church), and how it's awkward between us sometimes, but this thread has made me reflect on what I truely have.

That being said, honestly, I have no clue how to deal with these situations. Personally, if it's gone to the point of abuse, then I would leave it at that, but I think for many, family ties can be salvaged =/.

 

[ShinyAzelf]

I agree with Eraddd. I feel grateful of having a good family. They sometimes get angry at me, but they're not assholes, and they are open-minded. For those of you have bad parents, I wish you luck in solving the problem. =(

 

[DarthChake]

Edit: just wanted to add, that its going to be hard to find an answer you're looking for as different people hold different values.

That's why I posted here. I wanted to know what others thought. What makes my parents the angriest is that they think I'm anti-social. After daily chores I go upstairs do exercises and either read, or play video games. My mother thinks that if I spent more time downstairs we would talk. When I am downstairs the only thing we do as a family is watch tv. There are occasional instances where we talk on commercials but it's hardly enjoyable.

 

[cim]

If your parents are paying for college, while this means no loans and cool stuff, it also means that they want you to pay for their retirement (where's the money coming from?).

I've honestly never heard of that at all. That's not what my parents, my friends' parents, etc. want. Most parents I know pay for their kids college not out of some self-interest but because they want to see their children succeed somehow.

Parents that you are financially dependent on have some say in what you do at college and you should probably try to make sure they aren't unhappy with you but ultimately if they're not an inch from cutting you off they won't stop you from doing anything. I mean, if they cut you off for something trivial like joining a fraternity, then their son or daughter will always be known as the one who dropped out because her parents didn't like some greek organization he / she was a part of.

 

[Mikazukinoyaiba]

@Mika: Lol, not that simple.

If your parents are paying for college, while this means no loans and cool stuff, it also means that they want you to pay for their retirement (where's the money coming from?). And more importantly, by giving you money, they get a say in what you do at college, what major you select, what classes you take, if you join a fraternity, etc. Kind of like how major shareholders in a company can reign in the CEO.

As Chris Is Me said, that is very unusual.

Yes they have a say in the senses that they are interested in how their student is doing and wouldn't want to pay for someone who is doing poorly, but things like only paying for majors "they approve of", and not allowing their full-grown college student to have fun and socialize is well.. that's incredibly weird.

Most parents are pretty hands off about that kind of thing even when they are paying for their student's tuition.

 

[Alan]

That's why I posted here. I wanted to know what others thought. What makes my parents the angriest is that they think I'm anti-social. After daily chores I go upstairs do exercises and either read, or play video games. My mother thinks that if I spent more time downstairs we would talk. When I am downstairs the only thing we do as a family is watch tv. There are occasional instances where we talk on commercials but it's hardly enjoyable.

Hmmmm I see. I used to have a similar relationship with my parents. After a while I realized that they didn't really care about talking or anything, they just wanted to spend time with me (I was nearing leaving for university) and I figured it wouldn't hurt to grant them their desire. I guess my best advice is to try to find some enjoyment in whatever it is you do together, crack a joke or something if the mood gets really dull.

edit: eTherapy is kind of fun.

 

[sneeze]

Family is something that I've been more bipolar about than anything else, ever.

But I guess that's what makes them family? Your feelings can be all over the place about them.

 

[Thund91]

Obviously there are some very bad families (parents?) in the world that cause opinions like some of those posted in this thread. You have my condolences. I do admit my own opinions come up from being raised by a family that couldn't possibly have been better to me. It is a blessing.

It's not like my family is bad. They pay for my car, cell phone, school, everything. They care about me, want me to succeed and all that good stuff. We would've been the perfect family had I been, you know, straight. I find it hard to really stay near my family when most of them don't accept a fundamental part of who I am. Sucks, but if you can't accept it than that's your problem not mine. I'm moving on and it's hard to earn my trust back.

Hopefully, for those posters who haven't had the same though, can take it upon themselves to do much better than their own parents when the shoe is on the other foot so to speak. Family should be something of importance, and if your original family didn't do things properly, it's still up to you to make a better one in the future.

(I just want to get it out there that I dislike kids and would never get one but....)

I would love to do that, but people just keep pushing laws that make that impossible. :)

Yes I'm bitter today; it's gonna be quite long. At least I got out of going to my cousins birthday. Win.

 

[Morm]

Yeah, after a lovely evening, I can safely say I think EVERYONE in my immediate family would have been better off if someone in my family had died of cancer instead of surviving.

 

[Midou]

When it comes to my family, I was raised pretty well before and after the divorce. My parents are both fairly open-minded and push me to succeed in a way that makes me happy. The thing is this only goes so far, as their definition of success and my own is very, very different. Theirs revolves around money and living "comfortably", while mine is actually quite simple, just being my own version of happiness.

Ultimately, it's really come to the point that my values are radically different from my family's. I don't crave having a huge house to store all my shit in, or a fancy car to get around. I don't envy my peers who are going off to universities (paid by their parents) pursuing degrees that they probably won't use.

The pseudo-sexism is definitely there, and there are double standards my family doesn't bother to conceal. My Asian background exemplifies this point even further.

I'd be happy just traveling the world with a sleeping bag, backpack, and my laptop.

 

[Arcturus]

My family is very important to me, and I'd love to visit them. I haven't seen most of my family members in over 15 years (not by choice). I have a whole generation of cousins, nieces, and nephews I've never met, and apparently two half-siblings too. Would be fun.

 

[DarthChake]

When it comes to my family, I was raised pretty well before and after the divorce. My parents are both fairly open-minded and push me to succeed in a way that makes me happy. The thing is this only goes so far, as their definition of success and my own is very, very different. Theirs revolves around money and living "comfortably", while mine is actually quite simple, just being my own version of happiness.

My parents think I would be happier with a larger house in stead of a gaming system. We agree to disagree on that but they hate video games...hate.

Ultimately, it's really come to the point that my values are radically different from my family's. I don't crave having a huge house to store all my shit in, or a fancy car to get around. I don't envy my peers who are going off to universities (paid by their parents) pursuing degrees that they probably won't use.

The pseudo-sexism is definitely there, and there are double standards my family doesn't bother to conceal. My Asian background exemplifies this point even further.

I would say my parents try to prop my sister up a bit. This isn't unexpected because there are four boys and she is the only girl in my family. It just bothers me that me and my bothers have cubilces and she gets 1/3 of the upstairs with a 72in tv and a $4k couch.

I'd be happy just traveling the world with a sleeping bag, backpack, and my laptop.