Dad jokes

[Celticpride]

“What time is your dentist appointment?”

“Tooth hurt-y”

 

[phoopes]

What do you call a masturbating cow?

beef stroganoff

 

[Bughouse]

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they’re really good at it

 

[edudittA]

Dad jokes? My dad doesn't

 

[MegaBanette69]

I wanted to learn to juggle, but I didn't have the balls

Sometimes I wake up Crabby, other times I let her sleep

 

[phoopes]

What's black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white and black and white?

101 Dalmatians

 

[ceal]

why can't dinosaurs talk?

because they're all dead

 

[aurora]

Kid: I'm tired!

Dad: Hi, tired. I'm Dad! XD

 

[RefinedGoldenEmolga]

My wife asked me to sync her phone, so I threw it into the ocean. I don’t know why she’s mad at me

: )

 

[Sijih]

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is a really heavy animal and the other is a little lighter

 

[RefinedGoldenEmolga]

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One is a really heavy animal and the other is a little lighter

thats funny : )

 

[shaian]

i threw my laptop into the ocean...

and now a dell is rolling in the deep

 

[S1nn0hC0nfirm3d]

Dad jokes, Mom cries, sun shines, and brotha?
I hurt people
Bonk!

 

[RefinedGoldenEmolga]

Dad jokes, Mom cries, sun shines, and brotha?
I hurt people
Bonk!

the scout is a spy

 

[Heavyweapons Mann]

Every night, the oldest child washes dishes, middle dries, and youngest puts away. One night, one of the children asks “Hey Dad, why don’t we get a dishwasher?” and the dad says “Why? We’ve already got three!”

 

[phoopes]

What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

 

[Bughouse]

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. And the bartender asks - what's with the wheel?

And the pirate says Arrrrrgh it's drivin me nuts!

 

[Martin]

A duck walks into a bar, sits down, and asks “You got any bread?”

“No,” responds the bartender.

“You got any bread?”

“No.”

“You got any bread”

“No.”

“You got any bread”

“If you ask me whether I’ve got any bread one more time, I’ll nail your beak to this bar,” the bartender snaps.

The duck waits in silence a moment and then asks “You got any nails?”

“No,” replies the bartender.

“You got any bread?”

 

[biggie]

who does Christopher Reeve wish he was?

Christopher Walken

who does Christopher Reeve really wish he was?

Christopher Alive

 

[DrPumpkinz]

Once upon a time, there was a country called Garbanzonia. The country's entire economy revolved around chickpeas. One day, the United States declared war and invaded the country for oil. At the Battle of Bengal, the Garbanzonian troops were grossly outnumbered and outmatched. All hope seemed lost, but a man known as Yanni Siderás single-handedly fought back the American forces long enough for his people to retreat. Yanni perished in the process, but in recognition of his bravery and heroism, he was posthummusly awarded a medal of honor.