First off Thrice Elite:
"Spikes: Okay, Spikes. Problem is, Spikers suck. The only one I've really played with, Glalie, isn't really offensive enough outside of boom."
Okay well, there are 3 other spikers, I advise trying them first, my favorite one for offense is Cacturne. Many of the spikers are very versatile besides, perhaps Glalie.
"And did I mention how everyone and their mom antileads Glalie, from shit like Magby and Ponyta to fucking Poliwhirl of all things?"
You dont have to lead with your spiker. Sidenote: Poliwhirl is a legitimate threat that can set up on and ohko Sable
"From what I've read of Cacturne, it isn't all that impressive, IIRC"
Its great. It can break many of its counters pretty easily (especially Chan), really, you should try it. I run hp ghost/focus punch/spikes/toxic on most of em.
"Also spinner Chan completely and utterly decimates Spikers."
This is true. Chan is the top ranked mon in the meta and it is really dangerous and no one mon can counter every set. In fact i think its more dominant than Sableye, and is an important reason to keep Sableye.
"Toxic: Making them die of Toxic. Okay. Problem is, Sableye stall has Toxic too. And they have bellers and recovery, so the advantage is still in their favor. This might be the part where Disaster Area suggests "OH just run bellers and recovery of your own". Okay. You've added Sableye and bellers and recovery. So now you're either a half-assed stall team or an out-and-out stall team. So now ADV NU is a stallfest. See the problem with this?"
Yes I see a problem with a meta where the only way to be competitive is to stall, a meta where creativity is restricted. Sable is not that, not yet. Out-stalling Sable is not your only option in dealing with it. Its slow, weak, and frail on the special side, Sable doesnt handle any cb'r well, or any sp attacker. There are offensive answers, try a stalking wailord (90 sp attack hiding on that fucker), swords dance mawile, or try strategies like knock off and diglett for 2hko, or throw trick on your team. With knock off its a lot easier to get that coveted 2hko. Seadra 2hkos it, trapinch 2hko's and traps ir. Its called innovation, its called creativity, and thats what makes team building so much fun. There are million more ways to counter Sable but those are the ways we are bitching about, right?
"And I find it revealing that a while back, Disaster Area suggested bait-killing Flareon with CB Mawile, when in fact I'm talking about Sableye. Ok, Flareon isn't broken. I admit that you can get around it with shit like Diglett and can use any water or rock to force it ou. What are the options to even remotely consistently bait-kill Sableye that isn't ass?"
Just to be argumentative, you can totally bait kill Sable. With dbond Haunter. Or Trapinch.
I think your opening argument "spikes: spikers suck but i have only tried glalie" says it all. You havent tried much! Or nearly enough to say all options are exhausted, and when you ban something just because its difficult to deal with its like giving trophies just for participating, it dumbs the (meta) game down.
Thrice Elite, you are a very good player and I mean no offense.