Serious LGBTQ

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I'm not even an active member and I found out about this topic completly randomly, but there must be a good reason.
Hopefully my story will help at least one person.

Ever since I was 4/5 years old I felt different. At that age every boy I knew had or wanted to have a "girlfriend" and I didn't. At that age you can't tell because it's just a game though. So I couldn't quite grasp why I felt so much out of the lines.
But as the years passed, this feeling kept growing stronger and stronger and it showed, which made me be extremely unpopular. I didn't have the same mindset as most kids. Still had no explanation so I blamed my parents' break up for this.
It got clear by the time I was about 12/13. At that age your hormones take over your mind and you start getting interested in sexual things, you discover your whole new self physically and mentally. And of course having a girlfriend was not a game anymore, boys were only talking about that. It made me feel so uncomfortable, I kept thinking "What's wrong with me?". And then came that moment when I realized how hot I thought one of my male friends was. Growing up in a muslim environment, it was all the more disturbing to feel this way about a boy: I had never had the opportunity to meet gay people and didn't even know what word to put onto my feelings. All I knew was that it was scary and I didn't want my family to know, they would have probably killed me, or at least that's what I thought. I denied it for quite a long time after this, even though my attraction for men was growing stronger. By the time I was about to turn 17, it was such a huge problem for me that I began crying spontaneously very often and with no apparent reason. I thought I was never going to be happy with someone I really love, there seemed to be couples everywhere to remind me about it. The pressure was unbearable.
Everything changed when I first told a friend of mine: I knew she would think it's "cool" and she didn't really find the words but I felt so relieved, at least there was one person I didn't have to lie to all the time. I got addicted to this new freedom and decided to tell more and more of my friend, yet this feeling of being about to explode was not leaving. Talking about it is good but as long as I had not told my family I couldn't risk having a boyfriend, I thought they would probably kick me out of the house had they learned about this. I was terrified, especially when my cousins were making homophobic jokes and were asking me constantly if I had a girlfriend or what I thought about that hot chick...
I waited until I was almost 19 to start dating boys secretly, thinking I would be careful enough and that no one would know. I had 3 pathetic relationships and a fourth which really broke my heart as the guy was just playing around with my feelings. And all this secrecy was not helping my dating life either, no one wants to be with somebody whose family will eventually get in the way... I was convinced I was never going to be able to tell my family and that happiness was just for other people. I was messing up with my studies, I had eating and sleeping disorders, and I was progressively falling into depression. I thought I was worthless and that misery was just my burden, that I could not help it.
One day my mother and I were arguing about my studies, I didn't go to class and she was worried. And she got so mad that she just told me she knew about it from the very beginning, when I was 4/5 years old...
I couldn't believe she didn't hate me or tell me I should go burn in hell like other people did. Her acceptance was the only thing I really needed and now I feel so much better about it. I'm 21, my studies are going quite well for now, and my eating and sleeping disorders are slowly but surely disappearing. I'm not saying everything's right, I'm still very single but at least if one day I happen to fall in love with a man I'll know I'm allowed to feel this way.
The point of telling this story is not to draw attention on myself but hopefully to make people that relate to it feel better. For such a long time I thought that I was the only one in my circle to be gay and muslim but now I know some of my friends were and couldn't tell as well. I actually got lucky because even though only very few people in my family are aware of this, they were all so accepting, unlike everything I expected. But I know some people are not so open-minded, and if that's the case in your circle just don't listen to what they say about it. And that applies to any belief in your family that alienates you, not just like in my case, Islam. I strongly believe that you should stay strong and remain positive, it'll be hard sometimes, so very hard not to feel crushed by that thing you just can't control, but it's okay and things will get better, just be patient.
Remember that you were put on this Earth to live your life no matter what other people think, no one can judge you even if they think they hold the holy truth by doing so. You must put yourself first, don't drive yourself sick because of this like I did. Surround yourself with people that are accepting of who you are and that'll keep your head up even in your worst times.

And most importantly, yes you have the right to accept your sexuality and be proud of who you are. It doesn't make you a criminal, it doesn't harm anyone, that's just love.
 

Empress

33% coffee / 33% alcohol / 34% estrogen
is a Tiering Contributor Alumnusis a Contributor Alumnusis a Smogon Media Contributor Alumnus
Hey people. While Smogon and I have mostly gotten over each other, I still have good memories of this place. Moreover, while I was away, I've thought about a lot of things; for the handful of people who remember me fondly, here's an update on one of those big things.

I can say with 99% certainty that I am a transgender woman. It was a long time coming for me to realize this; back during my early high school years, I would constantly have doubts about my gender and dreamed of being female. I did not understand it at the time and attempted to drive those thoughts out of my head; while this worked for about a year, when the story of Caitlyn Jenner caused trans people to be thrust into the mainstream, I started to give it some more thought. (I actually despise Jenner, but I still have to give her credit for bringing us into the spotlight.)

The thoughts turned to stress and anxiety, and from 2015-late 2016, I remained in a constant state of denial. At pretty much every point possible, I tried to drive into my head that I'm a guy and always will be. That didn't work; it made it so much worse. By the end of 2016 I could not ignore it anymore; eventually I came out to my father and began seeing a gender therapist.

Now that I know who I am, I'm definitely in a better place, but I'm still not able to act on it. While my dad is accepting of it, he fears that transitioning would screw things up for me; indeed, in this harsh political climate, it is very difficult to exist while trans. He mostly fears that the company that's recruiting me will choose not to hire me for that reason, and with workplace discrimination still rampant, his fears are not unfounded. Moreover, my mom, a devout Christian, would not support it the same way that my dad does. She still has no idea that I'm seeing a gender therapist; she believes said therapist is solely for anxiety related issues. Accordingly, I'm stuck in limbo until I move out of the house or get hired officially.

So yeah, it sucks to be in the closet with no way out for a few years. But because I now know who I am, it's better than all of the stress that predated this discovery. As a result, I would say that life is going pretty well now (comparatively speaking).

I have at least been able to come out online; I found another forum to waste my time on, and the users seem to be generally accepting. I've also picked a name for myself; I like the name Kayla. There's no significance to it; I just like how it sounds.

If you managed to read most or all of this, thank you very much. I wish I could've been a better presence on Smogon, but the breakup was good for both of us, as I eventually gained the time to deal with my anxiety and gender dysphoria in one fell swoop. Moreover, the mistakes I made here allowed me to make a smooth entry into the other forum, and I'm far less ostracized there than I was here. If I ever come back, though, you'll be looking at a completely changed woman, literally and figuratively. Long live Smogon!

-Kayla
 

Lina

Out of the Woods
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Hey so recently in Australia, the results of our same sex marriage survey were announced. 62% of voters were in favour of changing the laws!! This is a huge result and a step in the right direction towards marriage equality here in Australia. It's not legalised yet, but is currently being debated in the Australian Senate and is on track to be legalised by Christmas. I'm so proud of my country and so happy for everyone.
 
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Nalei

strong, wild garbage
is a Tiering Contributor Alumnus
Is there an LGBTQ Smogon Discord or Showdown room?
There's been discussion about an LGBT room before, but it's never been approved. The primary complication is the potential for randoms to come on and just harass. There's also no LGBT discord to my knowledge.
 
A LGBT room on Showdown would be great. I think it's important for the LGBT community to know that they aren't alone (Posho is gay :o). Surprisingly, a lot of LGBT do play Pokemon.

I go by Fuego, if you happen to see me on Showdown feel free to say hello!
 
what would you even discuss in an lgbt room lmao.

a thread on cong isn't so bad because of the nature of a forum: people usually post current even type stuff or coming out posts here. even then, this thread is pretty quiet generally. there just isn't much discussion to be had with the topic of "lgbt".
 
Alright sit the fuck down bitches I'm gonna tell a goddamn story.

I'm Silver Scrapes. You probably know me as Silver Scrapes, the beautiful, charming, intelligent, witty lobby moderator and global voice.

But unbeknownst to most, I am a transgender woman. And I'm pretty hilariously insecure about it and other things.
Back when I was about 13-14, seven years ago, I took a high school level psychology class - I had to get express permission to be able to do this, being underage and whatnot. I loved the class, absorbed all the information given to me like a sponge. One of the later weeks in the class, the Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, or DSM, was discussed, a catalogue of information covering all kinds of disorders from acute stress disorder to voyeurism. I bought a copy for myself out of my own pocket, and this, too I absorbed. I scoured through the information with a voracity that I reserve for only my greatest interests.

As I read through these, I frequently avoided the sexual disorder segment. Being a young teen, I for some reason was certain someone would find and judge me for the information I sought. But eventually I did it, going into this section of the massive tome, reading quietly to myself in the dead of night as I felt like I would be judged harshly if I was found reading this stuff.

Reading through these disorders, one stuck out to me. "Gender Identity Disorder". I read over it all, every word - then I did it again. Then once more. I was fascinated. And I felt like in many areas, I could relate.

Of course, being in a conservative Christian household, I immediately slammed the book shut and hid it away. This was the sort of stuff I could be punished severely for, I thought. After all, I was told that if I read about mental disorders, I'd feel like I had 'em all. This was just simple hypochondria, right?
...Right?

I found myself reading the same entry again a few days later and considering it heavily. That night, I had a dream about myself as a female. It sounds like some fake-ass Hollywood shit, I know, but it was a vivid dream. When I woke up, I remembered it clearly, and I wrote down what I experienced.

I informed a close friend of mine, and she had no idea what to make of the dream, the entry in my DSM copy, or any of it. I was only 14 at the time. I couldn't know what I really felt about myself or my body, it was just hypochondria, etc.

I continued through life, but found myself drawn back to that entry frequently. About this time, I discovered what it meant to be transgender. I was absolutely fascinated. I felt like I wasn't completely crazy, there were people having the same thoughts I had, and even acting on them, going on to lead happy lives.

This is also when I started to feel my first heartbreak. 15 year old me was callously shut down by a girl I had been very, very into. Not a big deal, it happens, right? Somehow, I couldn't shake off the searing internal pain from it all, though. I went into a relationship with a boy in my pain, and my conservative family punished me harshly upon finding out. And finally, my grandfather, a man I was very, very close to, passed away on New Year's Day. A rejection into a forced separation, then a death... and all the while, trying to come to grips with just who the hell I was. Who I am. Why I felt so weird about my body, my self, how people treat me. I fell into a very, very deep depression that... well, I can't say I have fully shaken off yet.

Nights spent crying myself to sleep, thinking of myself as an unlovable freak. I turned to imaginary friends and self-harm. In my mid-teens, still talking to imaginary friends. My mental state was absolutely fuckin' atrocious. I'm on medication now, but it's still not all healed.

I have since come out to my family about my transgender nature. They are displeased, but at the very least they haven't kicked me out or completely scorned me. They reject my identity and my sense of self, which doesn't exactly help the tenuous grip on sanity I've had since age 15. I'm engaged to a lovely man who does his absolute best to try to help me along, and for that I'm incredibly grateful. Of course, it makes more problems for my family since they think I'm a "gay boy" in a mixed race relationship.

I wish I could end my storytelling here on a high note, with things looking bright for the future, some sort of acceptance or understanding coming about, something.
But I can't do that. I don't have that happy ending.
 
what would you even discuss in an lgbt room lmao.

a thread on cong isn't so bad because of the nature of a forum: people usually post current even type stuff or coming out posts here. even then, this thread is pretty quiet generally. there just isn't much discussion to be had with the topic of "lgbt".
I mean, most discord servers I've been in have active LGBTQ channels. It's a lot easier to have conversation flow in real time than over antiquated threads, but that's just my 2 cents.
 

Isa

I've never felt better in my life
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these are the discussion points that are offered by the ace/aro discord server i frequent. ok cooking isnt really a lgbt topic, but there's plenty of discussion. "am i properly ace/aro if i do this", "how do you handle this", and of course the four different servers dedicated to sexuality-related venting and discussing sexuality.

the idea that there'd be nothing to discuss is absurd.
 
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Martin

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Live LGBT chat is fine on private Discord servers because you can control who has access to the server or channel very easily, but the same doesn’t really apply to PS. The big issue with a public PS room is that... well, it’s not private. Anyone can access it without invite, and you have many hundreds of potential chatters from a pool of people which often reaches or exceeds 10k online simultaniously. If you can’t control the flow of people into the room you can’t control the types of people who are talking in your specialist room, and this is the issue that Kris brings up. On a forum it is much easier to control the trolls than it is on PS because you don’t have 10k people online all at once and because it’s much easier to moderate the slow-moving discussion style that comes with using the platform via deletions, infractions and, in particularly bad cases, bans/posting perms modification. On PS your options are to either:
  • Have multiple sets of eyes which are particularly well-trained in identifying more subtle trolls who are constantly looking at the room around the clock to shut down and ban trolls before the conversation moves past them and to deal with ban evasion etc., which has a huge number of logistic issues for obvious reasons.
  • Implement an arbitrary barrier to entry which would likely result in chat inactivity while also being a pain in the ass for ROs or whoever else can promote ppl to keep track of while still being perfectly feasible to circumvent.
On Discord the issue is as simple as removing someone’s access to the channel or IP banning them from the server if they evade by inviting their own alt (assuming they have perms to do this). People can tag the whole mod team without manually typing out/tab completing every name, and it doesn’t need to be as insane wrt moderation. The logistics are just way simpler to manage. This is why such servers are able to do this feasibly, and the above reasons (combined with ‘troll magnet’ status) are why PS can not.

Also if it means anything I disagree with starry blanket’s sentiment that there wouldn’t be anything to talk about in such rooms. It would likely be just like any other PS room (in this context, some political discussion, some advice exchange, some general sex/sexuality discussion, rest regular socialisation)—just that it’d be way more heavily moderated and would likely get more trolls (and more malicious trolls) than lobby.
 
Today is the Transgender Day of Remembrance.

I don't really have much to say about it, honestly. This day drags me down every year. But it's something that we need to acknowledge. As a transgender woman myself, living in the southern United States, I feel positively terrified reading about all the horrible things that happen to trans people every year. This past year hasn't exactly been stellar, but...they never are.

Here's a (partial) list of everyone we lost this year. It's impossible to record everyone, of course, so this is likely only a fraction of the total count, but I make it a point to read every name on the list each year, anyway.

https://tdor.info

To everyone else here who's part of the transgender community, or even just the LGBT+ community as a whole (because this affects all of us), thank you for existing. I think it's important to remember, today, that we shouldn't just mourn the people we've lost, but celebrate the people we haven't. This is a stronger community than any I've ever seen.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go cry in a fucking corner.
 
I mean..I don't see why we should hide? If there's a Japanese, Sports, Chess, Health and Fitness chat, why not an LGBT one? It isn't the point about what would be discussed. It's more of: bring awareness, and as I said before let other LGBT players know they aren't alone. In Fitness and Health they mostly talk about whatever lol

Also, there are trolls in every chat. I'm sure that will never change.
 

Posho

local gaymer weeb
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I mean..I don't see why we should hide? If there's a Japanese, Sports, Chess, Health and Fitness chat, why not an LGBT one? It isn't the point about what would be discussed. It's more of: bring awareness, and as I said before let other LGBT players know they aren't alone. In Fitness and Health they mostly talk about whatever lol

Also, there are trolls in every chat. I'm sure that will never change.
I think it has to do with the topic's controversy (sadly lol), so it's assumed that trolls would be more prominent than they would be in any other PS chat, that's why I feel they're opposed to it. Although, I think a Discord one would be nice, it's much easier to moderate in case any troll shows up and stuff. Also, I'm sure there will be a lot of topics to talk about, given that it is a more casual enviroment than in a forum, which also involves dynamism and such :P
 
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Soul Fly

IMMA TEACH YOU WHAT SPLASHIN' MEANS
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An invite only discord chan doesn't sound bad. safer semi-private space, controlled access. its a nice place to negotiate with the everyday that might not suit a forum conversation.
 

EV

Banned deucer.
I mean..I don't see why we should hide? If there's a Japanese, Sports, Chess, Health and Fitness chat, why not an LGBT one? It isn't the point about what would be discussed. It's more of: bring awareness, and as I said before let other LGBT players know they aren't alone. In Fitness and Health they mostly talk about whatever lol

Also, there are trolls in every chat. I'm sure that will never change.
I'll give you a PS policy admin perspective.

The Japanese (and other language rooms) exist because they're spaces for people of those languages/cultures/regions to congregate and talk in their native/preferred language. They're essentially byproducts of PS being an English-first website.

The rest you listed (Sports, et al) are hobby rooms.

The remaining rooms on PS can be broken into competitive/play rooms (i.e. Pokemon rooms) and general lifestyle (e.g. THP, and you could argue H&F goes here, too). LGBTQ+ could fit into the lifestyle category, but THP is broad enough to be a stand-in for Lifestyle with a capital L, meaning it's an appropriate place to discuss "life" and your personal experiences.

We start to wade into the "what about x" territory when discussing making an LGBTQ+ room. "What about political affiliation rooms?" "What about minority group rooms?"

On the whole, we try our best to make PS as accepting of everyone already regardless of who they are, without needing to resort to making special rooms to accommodate them.
 
Lobby policy people got into a discussion about it on our own and came to the relative same conclusion, if that means anything to anyone. I don't want to talk more policy than is necessary outside of specifically ordained zones for it, but trust me when I say avenues towards a public LGBTQ+ room have been discussed deeply by many people on PS staff from the lowest on the totem pole to the higher ups.
 
Lobby policy people got into a discussion about it on our own and came to the relative same conclusion, if that means anything to anyone. I don't want to talk more policy than is necessary outside of specifically ordained zones for it, but trust me when I say avenues towards a public LGBTQ+ room have been discussed deeply by many people on PS staff from the lowest on the totem pole to the higher ups.

That is good to hear.
 
I think it has to do with the topic's controversy (sadly lol), so it's assumed that trolls would be more promiment than they would be in any other PS chat, that's why I feel they're opposed to it. Although, I think a Discord one would be nice, it's much easier to moderate in case any troll shows up and stuff. Also, I'm sure there will be a lot of topics to talk about, given that it is a more casual enviroment than in a forum, which also involves dynamism and such :P


Posho, do we know each other? I feel like we were in a league or something together...
 

RODAN

Banned deucer.
August Ames, a pornstar recently killed herself after making some comments on twitter in which she admitted she wouldn't do a scene with a man who has done gay porn due to the increased risk of STDs. This led to a lot of outrage from the LGBTQ community which led to online bullying, and general harassment. I think that this is overall a pretty bad look for the community at large, and considering how often they deal with the same things online, overall pretty insensitive. What are your thoughts on this?

https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/50835...orn-starlet-passes-away-her-husband-confirms/

her twitter for reference: https://twitter.com/augustamesxxx
 
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Oglemi

Borf
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This isn't a "bad look for the community" this kind of thing happens all the time. Online bullying is the culprit, that happens in every subset and every community, and is pretty much in the top 5 uses of Twitter, ie. it's way easier to throw an insult in 280 characters than criticism. It's sad ya, and if it had been an lgbt celebrity that committed suicide because of bullying i'd be a bit more sad about it because i'd be able to relate more.

Your question is basically like asking my Muslim friend "did you hear about how some Muslims beheaded a gay guy in Iran last night, doesn't make your community look good."
 

TheValkyries

proudly reppin' 2 superbowl wins since DEFLATEGATE
There's a fair amount of layers to it and Oglemi covers a good part of how it's online harassment that's a problem but it's such a weird beast when it's just "Someone says shitty thing in a very public space thousands of people hear about it and express frustration and anger at the person for said shitty thing all at once." I'm sure a great many people went over the line in expressing their anger and frustration but are they not justified to be angry about something like that? Are people supposed to just roll over and be like "yes this is all very fine" when people say homophobic shit. Keep in mind for these people this isn't an isolated event for them, this is one statement in a long line of daily sometimes hourly statements about how x random person thinks something horrible about them for literally no reason. That said, for August it could very well be an isolated homophobic thing and it wasn't as bad as all that, and she didn't deserve to be exposed to the volume of anger and backlash. So in this situation what do you do? Who is to blame? Honestly the solution isn't in the behaviors and attitudes needing fixing it's a problem inherent to the platform of social media. It's hard to reconcile that a public conversation amongst a small following of people who like could be shown to thousands of people who may not at all like you or what you have to say in the slightest. Maybe there's a solution to have where twitter can filter out a high volume of responses from people who don't follow you so that something like this doesn't happen anymore (but twitter has been very reticent to implement anything of the sort and thus their harassment problem continues to grow and fester).
 
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