Walrus A very Gwenty walrus

Texas Cloverleaf

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Hi there! Welcome to my walrus slash product placement for Gwent™, the Witcher Card Game! Which you should all start playing so I can smash you! Join us on discord at https://discord.gg/UnkMhyE!

So I don't do long and elaborate intros so I'll keep this short and sweet. I like music. I really like good music. I don't like shitty music. I want you to send me your best music. Please don't send me shitty music, you'll score really badly.

If you've been paying attention to my submissions in other walruses you'll undoubtedly have noticed that I submit pretty exclusively rock and metal music in some variation or another. This is reflective of my most favoured taste, but not at all of my entire library of taste. Do not exclusively submit such music in an attempt to pander. Feel free to submit such music if it's really good music that you like.

That's really what this is all about right, what's it's always been about for me. It's not about going digging on youtube trying to score the highest in the category, it's about sharing your favourite music with others. Of course you might have your own philosophy and just shoot for the highest scores, it's up to you really.

Quick hits about my tastes:
- I like rock music in increasing amounts on a roughly standard curve peaking in the early 90s. 2010s rock and 60s rock will likely not score well.
- I am very picky in my taste in metal music, I like prog stuff, I like heavy stuff, I like power stuff, but I typically hate death growly and screamo stuff. I really like metal where the vocals act as much as a supportive instrument as they do vocals, hence my favour for bands like kamelot and nightwish with operatically trained lead singers.
- This is important to highlight: in the majority of cases I don't really care about the content in the lyrics. It's not why I listen to music, I listen for the music itself rather than what it says. This is not a hard and fast rule, slow soulful songs like Luther Vandross' Dance With My Father or Eminem's Mockingbird have very meaningful lyrics that enhance the value of the song for me, but with something like AC/DCs Shoot to Thrill the lyrics are valuable only in how they contribute to the sound of the song.
- I do like some pop and country. Good pop and country will score well. Mediocre pop and country will score like dogshit.
- I have very limited experiences with rap and generally don't listen to much beyond some eminem or some R&B influenced rap like Outkast, consider this in your submissions.

Of course, all the above is simply to guide you into an understanding of my tastes. I welcome every and all efforts to submit against type and open me to new experiences, this is, after all, about broadening my musical base and repertoire as much as it is about the categories.

On a final note before we get to the categories, I welcome any attempts at pandering and will appreciate a mix of songs I've never heard and songs I know, however please do not submit any songs from the following bands as I know them extensively and have no desire to judge them.
- Queen (banned)
- Billy Talent (allowed, pander capped at 9)
- Symphony X (bands that sound like this are a smart choice)
- Styx (banned)
- Meat Loaf (allowed, pander capped at 9)
- Dire Straits (allowed, pander capped at 8)
- Kamelot (allowed, pander capped at 8)
- The Eagles (allowed, pander capped at 8)


And now, the moment you've all been waiting for, the categories!

1. For Those About to Rock, We Salute You! - AC/DC
Let's start things off bright and breezy, easy beautiful covergirl. I like rock. Send me something that fucking rocks.

2. Raining Blood - Slayer
Typically I find growling/screamo to be garbage so this is a little more difficult, convince me that something I don't like is actually good. Note that this doesn't have to be limited to metal, if you want to send me death growl yodeling then by all means.

3. Wasted Time - The Eagles
I strongly identify with water and the feeling of melancholy is one of my favourites. Send a song that evokes feelings of sadness or blues. The closer to melancholy that you make me feel the better your score.

4. Summer Nights - Grease
Duet's are some of my favourite tracks, especially is musicals. Send me something involving between 2-4 voices in a duet style.

5. I Kissed a Girl - Katy Perry
The guilty pleasure category. Send me your favourite girl-pop songs.

6. Hit Me With Your Best Shot! - Pat Benatar
Send your very best.

7. Can You Feel The Love Tonight? - Elton John
Spoiler Alert: I'm a sappy romantic. Make me feel the love and passion.

8. 2112 Overture / Temple of Syrinx - Rush
Time to get funky. Send me something progressive or futuristic.

9. The Dawn Will Come - Dragon Age
I like me some epic video game music - when it works. Buyer beware with this category, if you make me feel the atmosphere you will score highly but if you bore me...

10. Someone Like Me - Ylvis
Our final category is your chance to go for the gold. All submissions are legal, no songs are banned, send me the song you think I will absolutely love based on what I like and pander to your heart's content.


Fire away!


Entrants:
  1. Da Letter El
  2. JjayFeather
  3. GrannyPie
  4. RODAN
  5. Blazade
  6. KnightsOfCydonia
  7. Myzozoa
  8. Steven Snype
  9. ItsYaBoi1337
  10. mxmts
  11. Asek
  12. Walrein
  13. Aura Guardian
  14. shubaka17
  15. VonFiedler
  16. SketchUp
  17. Adam
  18. Lord Gaius
  19. FMD
 
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Texas Cloverleaf

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In 20th place with 1.5 points, Sketchup with Deformative by Black Eyes

Well. This wasn't quite what I was expecting. The percussion is alright, the guitars are a bit wacky but can work. These vocals are beyond irredeemable though. None of this works together. The score is entirely credited to the half-decent base line. The one saving grace to this song is that it's only two minutes.
 

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Texas Cloverleaf

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In 19th place with 4 points, myzozoa with In Heaven by The Pixies

In contrast to the previous why is this only two minutes. Killer baseline, killer guitar, vocals are okayish but the lyrics are dogass which is a problem when they're so prominent, why does this end at two minutes goddamn this is like a top tier intro to a 6 minute song with four minutes of solos but it just stops why even this could have been super good but now its just a let down
 

Texas Cloverleaf

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In 18th place with 4.5 points, mxtms with Been Away For Too Long by Soundgarden

This has a pretty decent sound to it to but the only thing that keeps coming through is "noisy". There's no real identity to the melody or overall composition and Cornell's vocals fall pretty flat here. The late bridge is pretty weak and out of place to. Not a great song.
 

Texas Cloverleaf

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In 16th place with 5.3 points, Steven Snype with Ash Greninja theme song

Nice tempo to this one though the instrumentals are a bit uninspiring through the intro. Vocals are pretty decent and work with the sound of the song though the backing really needs to be louder, this could have been really good with some stronger drumming and guitar but it ends up being just okay with the vocals carrying.
 

Texas Cloverleaf

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In 15th place with 5.9 points, Walrein with Blue Orchid by The White Stripes

This kinda combines issues from a couple other subs, it's a bit too slow for a song this short, if it picks up the tempo quickly into the song or if the pace is maintained into a build for a final minute of song this could be good. This song does a good job at grabbing my attention but isn't really able to hold it past the first 45 seconds.
 

Texas Cloverleaf

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In 14th place with 6.5 points, LightWolf with The Duel by Dethklok

The first minute of this and the vocals are pretty jarring and mediocre but then that's not why you listen to this song is it? The guitar duel is pretty hype. Hard to really rock out to this with the isolated nature of the duel and the lack of strong percussive beats, but it's definitely a fun one. The intro and the abrupt end probably costs this a full point though.
 

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